Trondson Online

I had promised myself to try and not write about this issue but I just feel compelled to do so at this moment. This is an issue that I hold close to my heart for more than one reason. First, I have never seen such a faulty legal system as the one found in America when it comes to child custody, support, and visitation. Second, I have never seen a more unequal law system either. For example, 84% of mothers are awarded sole custody (being the only one; only: the sole living relative) in a custody dispute (US Census Bureau 2007).  SOLE custody that is….how come? In Sweden this is only an option if one parent is deemed unfit. Default condition of joint/shared custody applies to about 80% of cases in Sweden…but in the US, it is more than often the norm that the custodial parent gets sole custody. Anyone see what is wrong with that picture? Who suffers from this unfair legal system?

Therefore, the majority of non-custodial parents are fathers. This also entails child support and that is determined on the non-custodial parents income BEFORE taxes. However, what happens if that non-custodial parent suffers an injury that disbles them and prevents them from working, or they lose their job(s), or receive less of an income? Then the financially struggling non-custodial parent has to file for a modification of the child support order with the courts. That includes attaining a laywer for quite a bit of money (court will not appoint one for you since you don’t have custody of the child(ren). How can someone who is already suffering from financial means do so? If you know the answer, please let me know. “Federal Office of Child Support Enforcement data shows that two-thirds of those behind on child support nationwide earn poverty-level wages; less than four percent of the national child support debt is owed by those earning $40,000 or more a year.

Most “deadbeat dads” are low-income men who are unable to meet the demands of the child support system because of their employment problems.

Stepping up already draconian enforcement only makes it more difficult for them to play a meaningful role in their children’s lives.”(Wisconsin State Journal and the Buffalo News 2007). Of course, lets not leave out the custodial parents witch hunt on non-custodial parents because they are “entitled” to do so by law. What happened to the people that once fell in-love and made the decision of having children together? In my humble opinion, if someone decides to have a child they should be aware of the fact that separation is a possibility and that should not affect any innocent child(ren). What about civil and courteous behavior between the people who extended themselves into their off-spring? What about human empathy? What about the best interest of the child? I assume most people determine the best interest of a child in monetary terms instead of emotional terms.

This brings me to the issue of visitation rights. “While some fathers voluntarily remove themselves from their children’s lives, many seek a greater role. Yet most child custody arrangements provide fathers only a few days a month to spend with their children, and fighting for shared parenting is expensive and difficult. Custodial mothers frequently fail to honor visitation orders, and while the United States spends nearly $5 billion a year enforcing child support, there is no system in place to help enforce visitation orders. In such cases, fathers must scrape together money for an attorney so they can go to court, and even then courts enforce visitation orders indifferently” (Wisconsin State Journal and the Buffalo News 2007). Furthermore, if low-income or unemployed non-custodial parents fail to pay any child support, many custodial parents prevent them from visiting with their child(ren). Visitation rights may not be denied to the non-custodial parent, even though the non-custodial parent is not paying child support but this is not really enforced by the courts in the same extent as child support and arrears. In addition, what would happen if the custodial parent decides to move far away from the non-custodial parent with the child(ren)? Usually this requires approval from the courts if it was mentioned in the divorce decree but in the event that it wasn’t, states have different laws regarding this issue. However, in most cases this would require a written consent form from the non-custodial parent. Perhaps one should consider the impact a move out of state will have on the child(ren). It is possible that the benefits of increased pay, or closer proximity to extended family members, do not outweigh the benefits the child(ren) enjoy as a result of an ongoing, in-person relationship with their non-custodial parent. It is impossible to reduce that relationship to increased phone calls and longer summertime visits without consequences, which are sure to appear in the child(ren)’s behavior and attitudes over time. It takes very little time to destroy a healthy and loving relationship between a parent and child than it takes to build one. In the end, everyone will suffer; mostly due to selfishness, pettiness, arguments,revenge, and pride. This is for all children who miss and lack a non-custodial parent in their lives for these above mentioned reasons.

Whoever read this far, thank you for taking the time! I am sure there are many more opinions about this issue and several stories to be told. This is something that means a lot to me and I was saddened when the bill for shared parenting was denied by only a few percentages (57% against to 43% for in the state of North Dakota). Well, the fight is not over yet and hopefully someday, the children will win.

Related posts:

1. Action Alert: Support CA AB. 2416 – Child Custody Reform to Help Parents who Serve
2. Your Letter Wanted: Cleveland Plain Dealer Editorial Board Demands that Family Courts Enforce Visitation Orders
3. Some facts on child custody and divorce…
4. Child Support: How much is too much?
5. Child Support Help for Parents Impacted by Layoffs