Trondson Online

I know that some of you might be real sick of reading about my facts, opinions, and rants regarding child custody in the US.  If you don’t want to read about it..stop reading here.  I feel compelled to put the facts out there and hopefully make people think twice about the issue before disregarding it as not important.  Everyday, I think about the law and how it is clearly being overlooked and not taken seriously by certain groups of society.   I used to be an idealist and Utopian but I can definitely say that is no longer the case.  That is why this issue is so important to me.  Some may say that since I am not a citizen of this country, my opinions does not matter.  Well, sorry to inform you that everything is not black and white anymore.   Furthermore, I live in the US as a mother of an American child and as a wife of an American husband, so that gives me the right to voice my beliefs. Nobody wants to stand up for non-custodial parents …not the courts nor the public.  I am so sick of sitting on the sideline and not stir a fuss.  Well, that is not going to happen anymore.  People need to become aware of injustices carried out on a daily basis towards our children and parents  of divorced/separated families. Did you all know this:

1. There is an unsettling trend being experienced by military personnel — losing custody of their children.  According to the Department of Defense, more than 74,000 active duty military servicemembers (5.4%) are single parents, and 68,000 National Guard and reserve members are as well.  Moreover, divorce among military men and women also has risen some in recent years, with more than 23,000 enlisted members and officers divorcing in 2005.      There is a federal law, the Servicemembers Civil Relief Act, that is meant to protect military personnel by staying civil court actions and administrative proceedings during military activation.  For example, they can’t be evicted; creditors can’t seize their property; civilian health benefits, if suspended during deployment, must be reinstated.  However, servicemembers’ children can be — and are being — taken from them after they are deployed.  An article published this week in USA Today took a closer look at this trend, discussing several examples of military personnel who have lost custody due to their military service.  Some family court judges say that determining what’s best for a child in a custody case is simply not comparable to deciding civil property disputes and the like; they have ruled that family law trumps the federal law protecting servicemembers. And so, in many cases when a soldier deploys, the ex-spouse seeks custody, and temporary changes become lasting. (Source)
2. If you ex has visitation rights, but not shared legal custody, he still has parental rights.  If the move will infringe on his visitation (make it harder), you will need to get court approval to move. You need to prove this is in the best interest of your child and show how your ex can continue to have visitation and a relationship. See an attorney to discuss your state’s rules. (Source)
3.      Uniform Interstate Family Support Act (UIFSA) cases – Once issued, a support order may be sent to any other UIFSA state for registration. The exclusive power to modify a support order is of little use if the order cannot be enforced on an interstate basis. Registration gives the debtor’s state enforcement authorities the jurisdiction to set all of their enforcement methods and agents loose against the debtor as if the order were an order of their own tribunal. Registration does not give the enforcing state any authority to modify the order. The initiating state maintains continuing exclusive jurisdiction even though the debtor lives, or the order is being enforced, elsewhere. Under UIFSA, a state can lose continuing exclusive jurisdiction if, for example and as discussed above, if none of the children or parents live in the state or if there is an agreement to transfer the file to another state. In those circumstances, it is possible to transfer continuing exclusive jurisdiction in order to modify the support award. (Source)
4.   After a bitter divorce, visitation disputes can linger for years if not decades. Many people ruin their lives by engaging in mental warfare with their ex-spouse over visitation disputes. Ex-wives may use visitation as a bargaining chip to force their ex-husbands to pay child support. Moreover, in many cases, ex-wives try to frustrate visitation so that she can essentially shut out the ex-husband. Stepfathers often take over the parental responsibilities after a divorce. Unfortunately, many ex-wives frustrate visitation with the biological father if they remarry, especially if the stepfather is caring and a good financial provider for the children.Interference with visitation can take many forms. It can be attempts to prevent visits. It can be “poisoning” the child with negative talk about the other parent. It also includes the prevention of communication between the parent and the non-custodial parent. Letters, phone calls, and gifts can be kept from the child. Interference can also take the form of visitations made difficult by scheduling appointments or activities during the expected time of the visit. (Source)
5. Statistics -
79.6% of custodial mothers receive a support award
29.9% of custodial fathers receive a support award

46.9% of non-custodial mothers totally default on support
26.9% of non-custodial fathers totally default on support

20.0% of non-custodial mothers pay support at some level
61.0% of non-custodial fathers pay support at some level

66.2% of single custodial mothers work less than full-time
10.2% of single custodial fathers work less than full-time

7.0% of single custodial mothers work more than 44 hours weekly
24.5% of single custodial fathers work more than 44 hours weekly

46.2% of single custodial mothers receive public assistance
20.8% of single custodial fathers receive public assistance
Statistical Source: Technical Analysis Paper No. 42 – U.S. Dept. of Health & Human Services – Office of Income Security Policy

90.2% of fathers with joint custody pay all the support due
79.1% of fathers with visitation privileges pay all the support due
44.5% of fathers with no visitation pay all the support due
37.9% of fathers are denied any visitation
66.0% of all support not paid by non-custodial fathers is due to inability to pay
Statistical Source: 1988 Census “Child Support and Alimony: 1989 Series P-60, No. 173 p. 6-7. and U.S. General Accounting Office Report” GAO/HRD-92-39FS January, 1992

I can go on and on about different aspects of child custody, support, and visitation and probably will eventually.  A part of me sometimes wonder if divorce itself should not be made illegal.  Since the statitistics of divorce and custody battles are constantly increasing why not hold the two people that made the initial decision to start a family responsible.  In my opinion, people give up to easily and it is astounding how love quickly turns to anger and evil.  It’s sad isn’t it?!

Related posts:

1. The Anatomy of Child Custody, Support, and Visitation
2. “Divorced father seeks equal protection” article
3. Child Support: How much is too much?
4. Dr. Phil: Forced to be a Deadbeat Dad.
5. “Father knows bitterness” by Lily Robertson

Tags: battle, child custody, divorce, family, fathers rights, injustice