A story of a divorced father
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This story, as so many other stories of divorced fathers starts when two people decide to marry and start a family of their own. After awhile, the wife decides that she is not happy and starts having an affair with someone at work. She leaves the husband for the other man and takes his children with her. The preceding divorce gets ugly and several accusations later; the father has lost his home, wife, custody of his children, and he is left with debts and a broken heart.
His role as head of family, breadwinner, and father is shattered and he is merely demoted to a wallet and an unwelcome visitor to his children.
Of course there are still bad feelings left between the two people that once fell in love and promised each other the world, and all subsequent communication is stiff, difficult, and a reminder of their failure.The father is left to re-evaluate his purpose and goal in life. How does a father smoothly enter the new role as visitor to his children? How does a father deal with the fact that another man has more right, time, and control of his own children?
How does a father deal with the fact that his childrens mother constantly tells him what a bad father he is and how wonderful her new life is? He is constantly reminded of how terrible she thought he was as a husband because he worked so much and was not able to spend time at home as often as she wanted him to. It leaves little leeway to make any mistakes when everything and everyone is already working against him. So when a mistake is made – the error of not paying the complete court ordered amount of child support, the mother of his children doesn’t turn to civil discussion or work towards a solution. Instead she has him arrested for failure to pay child support and put her childrens father in jail – just to prove a point and establish a position of power. Shortly after, the ex-wife and her new husband moves thousands of miles away and takes his children with them. If visiting his children had already been difficult due to work, scheduling, and interpersonal conflicts, it is now made merely impossible due to the distance, monetary, and emotional obstacles.
As time goes by, the ex-father works hard and tries to move on with life and then yet another misfortune strikes him. The father is injured (or as many others laid-off, in between jobs etc), and has years invested into a military career. On top of losing his wife, children, and home – he has now lost his dream job and any possibility of furthering a career he has already invested so many years in. Adjusting to life as a civilian and as a disabled veteran with a low-paying/physically demanding job and meeting the demands of supporting his children becomes nearly impossible.
He tries to do the right thing by turning to the courts for a downward modification of court ordered child support due to a life changing event and a lower standard of living. It is denied because everyone involved live in different states.
He is then told that a modification of child support order is an intrinsic matter that can’t be done without hiring an attorney to do it for him. The father is left realizing that he can not meet court ordered child support let alone finding money to hire an attorney to have a modification put in place for him and that it could take six (6) or more months. He is also told that the original court order has to be registered in the state where the children resides before any modifications can be done to the order and it should be done by the custodial parent. This is never done. Instead, he is contacted by a private child support enforcement agency demanding back pay or they will take his driver’s license or even send him to jail for not paying court ordered child support.
His attempts to reason with the childrens mother and offer a percentage of his current income and a sum of money to cover a portion of the backpay that is owed is met by silence. Shortly thereafter he receives another phone call from the private child support enforcement agency with more threats of incarceration and any other legal measurements they can and will enforce. He then loses his current job because his injuries prevented him from doing the job to their requirements. What is a man to do when he is left with no options, no support from anyone, and facing incarceration due to circumstances beyond his control? What good would come of him in jail? What purpose would it serve? Would it benefit the children, the father, or the ex-wife? He’s been robbed of his children, his dreams, and his freedom. Enough is enough.
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Gant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
—
the courage to change the things I can, and
the wisdom to know the difference.
