Estrangement

By Lena Trondson • February 18, 2010

Main Entry: alien·ation
Pronunciation: \??-l?-?-?n?-sh?n, ??l-y?-\
Function: noun
Date: 14th century

1 : a withdrawing or separation of a person or a person’s affections from an object or position of former attachment : estrangement <alienation…from the values of one’s society and family — S. L. Halleck>
2 : a conveyance of property to another

Isn’t it sad that most people seem to have forgotten that the choices they make, are theirs to acknowledge, uphold, and own. Everything bad that happens to them is of no fault of their own and someone has to be blamed but themselves. I sit and ponder life and the road my choices have taken me on…some I am very proud of and some I am not so proud of. However, they were my choices and regardless of how good or bad they are, they are mine and mine alone to acknowledge, uphold, and own. One of the biggest choices that we as people can make, is the one of starting a family. That decision should not come easily or without thought. The decision will include the addition of a person or persons that will depend on you for a lifetime and who will need love, nurturing, and guidance. In most cases if you look to statistics, the core unit of families are seperated because adult people decide that they can not live together for one reason or another. This decision is made without the input or will of the child (ren) but it affects them the most. Guilt, anger, embarrassment, lack of common sense will then sever the relationship between the parents and create less than an amicable co-existence. How fair is this to the child(ren) who loves both parents?

When a child is born, parents have to realize that their wants and needs will not come first anymore and that life as they know it will change drastically. In my humble opinion, this is what I believe cause the most separation of families. You will not have equal amount of time to spare with your spouse, or equal amount of tasks to fill, or equal amount of money. The change in dynamics can cause stress to anyone but it needs to be thought of and discussed prior to deciding to bring a new life into this world. Why is it that adult people feel the need to “punish” their former spouse for perceived wrong doings by withholding their children from them? Despite the fact that some can not stay together due to differences, they can still be good parents. It’s petty, childish, and unfair to hold children as leverage so that the “scorned” or angry parent can influence the perception of the other parent. Regardless of how poorly they did as a couple, the children deserve a mother AND a father.